Month: May 2013

Making the Difference

For me, sex that is mediocre and sex that is A-FREAKING-MAZING is all about positions.

Just changing position can make something that just felt okay turn into something that blows my freaking mind. And I know the same goes for him too. In some positions, he just feels “good”, but in others he feels “PHENOMENAL”.  Heh.

I think positions are more important for females though, as I get the feeling most men can get off in just about ANY position, so long as they’re in a vagina. Lol.

We’ve been having GREAT sex the past week because we’ve been changing up our positions and trying new things out and just experimenting with moving our bodies and contorting ourselves into all kinds of shapes and forms. It’s been fun AND beneficial to our sex life, and I highly recommend doing this for anyone who feels like they are in  “rut” or need to “spice things up”.

I think, for one of my prize packs, I’m going to do a positions basket. I’ve got a few ideas for it. 😉

I’ve also got a book that I bought recently called “Sexercise” about using sex as an exercise regime and doing all sorts of crazy-ass positions to strengthen and tone different parts of the body. Sounded interesting, so I picked it up. Once I get around to reading it, will definitely post a review of it. 😉 And will also post a review once we get around to trying the recommended program in it! Haha.

What are some of you guys’ favorite positions? Have you ever experimented with positions before? Is there just one that ALWAYS does the trick that you’ve found? Tell me about your experiences with positions! 😉

And don’t forget to enter my contest! All the info can be found here for it.

Self-Help

I have been drunk every night for the three nights straight.

The first night was really an accident, as that was before all the drama with my dad happened, and the last night I didn’t mean to get drunk, I just ended up pretty wasted from the show I went to. But the night everything went down with my dad, I totally meant to get plastered. Granted, I wasn’t as plastered that night as I was the last night, but it was still a good buzzed feeling.

All in all, the drunkenness led to some AWESOME sex. 😉

But I don’t want this to become a habit or anything though. It just is easy for me to get drunk quickly on my meds and as a Pisces and an emotional basket case, I have a tendency to want to escape from reality, which is usually through substance abuse.

I’m trying to cut back on the use of the meds, as I only have a limited supply, but for serious, the difference between how I feel about sex while on them and how I feel about sex while off of them is MIND BOGGLING.

I absolutely ABHOR sex when I’m on off them. I’m reluctant and avoidant and don’t want to be sexual because it makes me want to stab myself in the vagina with an ice-pick and just start crying hysterically. And it just disgusts me. I feel such revulsion about being sexual. And I know it hurts my boyfriend that I feel that way, but it’s in NO WAY personal against him, it’s just about SEX.

And I know it’s a mental thing. It’s definitely psychological. And I know I need to start therapy. It’s just that sex therapy isn’t covered under many insurances (meaning the type of therapy that deals with sexual issues and traumas, not actually having sex as therapy, duh) and the therapists are rather costly without any help from my insurance.

And I currently have no spare money to dish out for therapy at the moment. It would be about $100 a session or more and I’m in the process of trying to support my family now and try and build a life with Eric, so it’s kinda a toss up between what’s more important: sex or real life.

Some would say sex is just a part of “real life” but right now, it’s not nearly as important to me as other things are, like making sure my mother has a cell phone and transportation to work and that all our bills are paid and that I pay my boyfriend back the money I owe him and all of that. And that I manage to keep up with my own health in terms of medications and doctor visits.

My sexual health IS a priority, but it’s one that’s going to have to take a back-seat right now when it comes to getting professional help, as I just can’t afford to deal with it at this point in time.

So that means lots of internet research for articles and books from the library or stores about how to try and deal with these issues on my own! Yah for reviews for you guys to read! And hopefully insight into my own self. 😉

Don’t forget to enter the contest! Here is the information for it!

All Fifty Shades

I went and saw the 50 Shades! Musical (a parody) with some coworkers and it was a blast! My store sponsored it. 🙂

I don’t want to give away to many spoilers so as not to ruin the show for anyone who wants to go and see this version of the production while it’s touring, but the guy playing Christian Grey was probably the best part of entire show. He was freaking HILARIOUS! Omg! Haha. And also the girl playing Anna’s best friend/roommate Katharine was hilarious too. As was Jose, her other friend/love interest. The whole cast was pretty freaking amazing and the songs were the funniest shit I’ve heard in a long time.

It was a great parody, but I’m sure most of the jokes flew over my boyfriend’s head as he hadn’t read any of the books, so I’m sure he was a little lost, but he still seemed to enjoy himself.

The musical was raunchy and dirty and very good. I high recommend it to anyone seeking to find her “inner goddess” or just to have a good night out making fun of a bunch of books that really actually kinda suck. Lol. Which they mention in the musical too. 😉 It’s great! Go check it out! See if it’s “cumming” to a city near you!

And don’t forget to check out the contest I’m having! It’s still running! You can find all the info here.

Health (is) Nut(s)

I haven’t actually talked about my health problems explicitly yet, though I have mentioned them in passing in some of my posts. I wanted to address them now because I want to be completely open and honest with this blog and I want to self-disclose as much as possible about myself so you, the reader, can have a better understanding of my journey and the process I am going through.

I suffer from fibromyalgia. If you know anything about fibro, you know is sucks MASSIVE ASS. It’s basically like having the flu 24/7. Your body aches, you feel like absolute shit, all you want to do is sleep… Everyone who has fibro experiences it differently. For some, it’s the pain that’s worse. For me, it’s the fatigue that gets to me. I never get enough sleep. EVER. No matter how much I sleep, I never feel well rested. I’m constantly dragging and low on energy, which is why the neurontin is such a wonder drug for me, and why I also like my Concerta because it gives me energy. I do get the body aches a good deal too, but they come and go and aren’t constant like a lot of people with fibro’s are.

I also have bipolar disorder. I really have bipolar 2, but my doctor diagnosed me with cyclothymia, which is like a milder form of bipolar 2. It’s whatev. Either way, I’ve got a form of bipolar for which I have to be medicated or else I cycle like a bitch and get severely depressed and end up hurting myself in some way. It’s just not good for me to not be medicated. I’m batshit insane when not medicated. Just ask my boyfriend. He’ll tell you. Ha.

I also have a myriad of other health issues that are associated with the fibro, like IBS, insomnia, ADHD, etc.

I used to not be able to work because of my health issues, but now I hold down a practically full time job and I have those plans of going back to school. Because of medication, I have a whole new lease on life. I am a firm believer that medications are not “evil” or “bad”, but actually are miracle workers and awesomesauce treatments for illnesses. I thank GOD for medications daily.

So that’s my health story. Not sexual in any way, but you can see why I have some issues with sex because of my issues.

With the fibro, it’s the body pain that prevents me from liking sex when I’m sober and the fatigue makes me not want to be sexual because I’m always exhausted. With the bipolar, it’s the ups and downs that make sexuality hard because some days I will want to be sexual to a high degree, and then the next I’ll be severely depressed and just want to kill myself so won’t want to be sexual and will just sulk and cry.

Now you are informed about my health situation. Lol. I will now let you all get back to the sexual part of this blog and you can expect my next post to be full of sexualness. Since I know that’s what you all come here for. Haha.

To make up for the non-sexual entries I’ve written recently, I leave you with a silly sexual pic of a shirt I got from work and a sexy necklace. Enjoy!

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******Don’t forget the contest going on! All the information is on the blog or you can click here to read the post!*****

DONE

I am drunk. And I am angry. No one deserves to be treated the way my mother has been treated by my father for the past twenty-fives year, at least, that I have been alive. It’s beyond ridiculous. It’s ludicrous how he treats her.

I am done with him. DONE. I’ve suffered enough at his hands, and now I’m going to make sure she doesn’t have to suffer from him anymore. I’m cutting him out of all our lives, no matter what it takes, because we deserve better.

He can be a good man when he wants to be, but he chooses not to be that man, and I can NOT allow my family to endure his torture any longer.

I will not stand by and hear my mother sob like she did to me on the phone all because of that man. He is no father to me. He never has been and never will be, unless by some miracle of God he realizes he’s fucked up and needs help and gets that help and changes. But I won’t be holding my breath for that obviously never-gonna-happen-sign-of-Jesus-Christ-the-savior. I would REALLY believe in Jesus if THAT happened.

I’m going on a full scale make-over of all our lives tomorrow and my sister and I are going to have a come to Jesus talk about how it’s time for her to grow up and maybe have to put her schooling on the back burner right now so we can take care of our mother. I refuse to do this alone when I have a fully capable sibling who can and WILL help, or I’ll be damned.

We will escapes the clutches of my bastardly father and I will free this family from him. My mom will be divorced from him and I will take care of my mother no matter what. I WILL DO IT.

I know this isn’t sexual, but I want you guys to get a whole picture of who I am and the struggles I go through, and dealing with my damn father is one of them. So here’s the raw truth of the matter. Here’s the real me.

I hope you can accept me as I am.

P.S.- Enter the contest! 😉 Here are the rules and such!

Rolling With the Punches

Fighting/arguing with my boyfriend always kills any sexual feelings I may be having at that moment or for the entire day. It suffer from low self-esteem as it is, and when we get into disagreements I’m always painfully and instantaneously swamped by memories of being a child/adolescent and being made to feel like I was a failure and was never good enough.

It also doesn’t help that my boyfriend tends to do the “classic man thing” and shut down and shut me out when he gets upset and any attempts I make to reach out are shot down or ignored completely

But as Wendy Strgar so precisely stated it in her book that I recently reviewed, love is about holding what is lovable about a person in one hand and what is not so lovable about them in the other hand and finding a balance where we cultivate reasons to stay and constantly remember to remember all the reasons we love that person, especially during the darkest hours or a relationship (or “seasons” as she calls them).

I also pointed out a quote from the book about seeing things are “they are” rather than as “we are”, meaning we should take a step back from whatever situation we’re in and take an objective perspective (ha, that rhymed!) and to really look at it from all sides. I’m not the only one hurting in the situation and it helps to remember that.

We also sometimes have to put our lover’s needs above our own, so even if my first attempt to reach out falls on deaf ears, maybe my second or third or hell, even the fourth won’t. And love is about showing up for the other person when they need you, even if they don’t show up for you all the time, because love is not about keeping score, but about being the best person you can be to that person because of the love you feel for that person.

I’m having to relearn all these lessons, as even though my boyfriend and I have been together for over 9 years, it’s like we’re in a whole new relationship because he was gone for so long and our relationship wasn’t really a good or healthy one before he left anyways.

He’s been home for a little under a year now, and for the first time in our lives our relationship is something it’s never been: stable and healthy.

We’ve both grown up a lot and are learning to navigate this relationship as adults instead of the children we were in the beginning, and even middle, of our relationship. So it’s like everything is brand new again.

But he’s worth all the ups and downs and this relationship is worth fighting for. No one ever promised us love would be easy, just that it would be worth it. And he is definitely worth it. WE are definitely worth it.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

And that make-up sex is damn good. Lol! 😉

 

******Don’t forget the contest going on! All the information is on the blog or you can click here to read the post!*****

Contest Change

I just wanted to make a quick announcement about the contest. I changed the end date to June 5 instead of July 22, as I thought that was too long a wait for the prize and I’m impatient and excited about sending out prizes so I wanted it to be sooner. Lol. 😉

So now you know! And come on guys, enter the contest! The product is great and the prize package itself is worth like $50.

Don’t be shy! Write me stories and essays at the email about how you’d use the product and why you think you deserve the prize and get raunchy if you want to, get emotional, get involved!

Leave comments on the entries I post! I want your feedback! I want to hear your thoughts and opinions and experiences and feelings!

Follow the blog! It’s really easy! Just stay on this front page of the blog, and if you look at the bottom of the screen, there should be a little gray box that says Follow in white with a plus sign next to it, also in white. Just type in your email address, and you’ll be sent alerts when I post new stuff and you’ll also be entered into the contest 3 times automatically for every contest I have! How cool is that?

Interact with me! I crave attention, if you couldn’t tell by the fact that I have a sex blog where I post every little detail about me. 😉

Jiffy Lube

I’ve always had to use lubricant to have sex that was even a little bit non-painful. ALWAYS.

Sure, I possessed the ability to get, well, “wet”, when stimulated manually and hell, I could even squirt! But when it came to penetration and intercourse? I would dry up like a puddle in the Sahara.

Except for recently.

I’m not sure if it’s the ON Libido enhancer or the over-indulgence in my medication or a combination of both, but something is making me able to produce enough of my own natural lubrication to allow us to not need to use lube for once in my entire freaking life.

It’s totally empowering, I won’t lie. It makes me feel HUMAN and HEALTHY. I thought my body was broken and defunct and now, here I am, able to have sex normally with little pain without having to bust out the lube or even the vibrator sometimes. It’s like my body is healing itself from all the trauma it’s been through (emotionally and mentally, not so much physically).

I think it’s the ON that’s allowing my body to make more of my own lubrication and it’s the med that’s allowing me to let go of my inhibitions and issues that’s giving my body the “permission” it needs to stay lubricated and allows me to have normal sex. The med takes away that mental block that would make me dry up at the mere thought of intercourse and make sex feel like sandpaper rubbing against my most intimate areas.

Whatever it is, I hope it keeps on keeping on and I hope I can convince my doctor to make this med and every day thing for me, as it seems like it’s really helping me out, in more ways than one!

******Don’t forget the contest going on! All the information is on the blog or you can click here to read the post!*****