Month: July 2015

Catch Up Time!

So let me get you all caught up on what’s been happening in the life of me…

My Pure Romance business basically went under because I couldn’t secure any in-person parties, which are the meat of a Pure Romance business, so it was basically costing me money to keep it going, so I let it go. C’est la vie. Now I get to use my “samples” and “testers” for myself! 😉 Haha.

Eric and I are not “technically” together anymore, though we still see each other and have sexual relations with each other and he still tells me he loves me, but only when provoked. I don’t know what’s going to happen regarding us, but I’m hoping with all my heart and soul that we can patch things back up and end up back together, even if our families hate the other person in the relationship now. Sigh.


I’ve also recently become EXTREMELY sexually stimulated practically all the freaking time and find myself having to masturbate a lot to relieve some of the sexual tension that builds up within me. Don’t ask me what brought it on, because I have absolutely no freaking clue, though I’m not really complaining. 😉 Was that TMI? Oops, my bad. Lol.


I’ve also regained my ability to “squirt”! Yah! I thought I had lost it forever! *sigh of relief* Hehe. That was probably TMI too. Haha.


I plan on reviewing some Pure Romance products that I have, as well as some products from the store I used to work at that I just haven’t gotten around to talking about yet being that I’ve been so absent, and also some erotic books that I’ve been reading. Keep an eye out for those. 😉

I’ll try to update more often from now. Super pinkie swear! ❤

Lifting the Cloud of Despair

Written 2014.


Sometimes, I question why I want to become a therapist/psychologist at all. There are just days where listening to the fucked-up problems of the people around me is just too much for me, too overwhelming, too emotionally taxing. It drains me and leaves me feeling empty and hallow. It strains me and takes too much out of me some days, and I’m not sure if that’s because we’re messing with my meds again or that I just am not cut out for this job. But then I remember my natural talent and gift for this, how easily it comes to me to analyze people emotionally. And how I want to help people, help them overcome their fucked-up lives and start newer, better ones, healthier ones. I want to help make people happy and more satisfied with their lives. I also think I need to work on investing my time and energy into building relationships with people, be that friends or clients or future clients or coworkers or sponsors or bosses or family members or even my own fiance. I need to start being more involved with people instead of distancing myself because I get overwhelmed trying to deal with all of their stuff on top of the stuff I go through internally myself. I need to be more invested in others when I’m with them then I am with myself. I know, I know, I have to watch out for myself and take care of myself and protect and guard myself from potentially dangerous situations, but I also think I’m letting it get a little out of hand in just being way too invested in myself all the time without regards to others. I’m going to be encountering some pretty traumatizing stuff in that therapy room when I become a therapist, particularly a sex therapist, and I’ve got to learn, to steal a like from Frozen (which EVERYONE seems to be talking about now-a-days), to “LETTTT ITTTTTTTT GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” when I’m not in the room and to not carry it home with me and let it weigh me down too much and burden me to the point of having a mental breakdown. :-p And can you believe I still have not seen Frozen yet? 😉

Say Cheese!

I’m trying to get back into modeling…particularly nude modeling. It seems it’s what I’m best at and I think I look better unclothed than clothed anyway. Plus, I think the naked body is a work of art and should be celebrated, as I might have mentioned before in here. If I have, it bares repeating. If not, well, know you know. Lol.

I’m also trying to publish a book of my poetry. I’m going to have to go the self-publishing route, as not many agents take poetry clients these days, which really sucks, but c’est la vie. *shrugs* I don’t know how much it’s going to cost to print books, but I have a feeling it’s NOT going to be cheap, and having no job because I’m pretty much disabled due to fibromyalgia and bipolar and clinical depression, I’m having to rely on the good will and kindness and generosity of my mother who is helping me out. But I’ve got other expenses too, like medications and doctors visits and therapy appointments, plus I can’t help but order stuff I probably really don’t need but that I really want because buying things for myself makes me feel better emotionally. Blah. So not sure when the book is actually going to happen.

I have a website:

Check it out if you’d like. There’s a link to my portfolio from my modeling on there.

But I need to update it because the last pictures I have are from 2013 and that’s not an accurate representation of what I look like now. I’ve been trying to schedule a shoot with this really talented photographer who is from out of town and is coming into town in the coming weeks, but I don’t want to go alone, and Eric is the only one I trust to be with me during shoots because he’s the only one I feel comfortable modeling around. And Eric is being flippant about helping me out and committing to a date so I can schedule with the photographer. He doesn’t seem to understand that it can’t just be a last minute thing. I can’t just say say to the photographer, “Oh, hey, hope you’re not busy, I can come by this evening!” the day of. *headdesk*

Eric just doesn’t want to ask his dad for an evening off because his dad would be curious why he needs an evening off and Eric doesn’t want his family to know he’s still in contact with me in any fashion, even though he’s more than willing to rush over here to fuck me multiple times a week. Sigh. I’m just his “dirty little secret”…and I don’t like it one damn bit. But that’s a whole other story.

I also have an amateur photographer who wants to do a nude shoot and wouldn’t mind taking pics of me doing naughty things to Eric, if Eric’s willing, and Eric’s face wouldn’t even have to be in the shots, just his perfect penis, which deserves to be photographed and which I would be honored to have nice photos of me worshiping it. 😉

I’m just frustrated because I’m very unhappy with my body as it is right now. I’m at the highest weight I’ve EVER been at and I feel ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. I have fucking STRETCH MARKS for crying out loud! I have NEVER had stretch marks! I nearly had a fucking heart attack when I saw those horrible horrible things on my thighs and about cried when I realized they were on the UNDERSIDE of my tummy too, because my tummy actually HAS an underside because it’s like a gigantic roll. Ugh. I apologize for my venting about my abhorrence of my body, it’s just been building up inside of me since I decided to start trying to model again. I’m afraid the photographers will see me and decide there’s just no way they can make me look good in photos and just cancel the shoot all together. 😦

I’ve also got cellulite on my ass. CELLULITE. WHAT THE FUCK?! Again, I have NEVER EVER dealt with that before in my ENTIRE life! So I started using a cream by the company System JO called the JO Maximizer Shaping Cream that’s supposed to help grow your boobs and tone your butt. I’m hoping it’ll do both for me, to a wonderful degree. I’ll let you know how it works.

I guess I just needed to vent and talk about wanting to nude model and look good while doing it. I just don’t want to make terrible and bad pictures. 😦

But I’ll leave on a good note. Here’s a work of art that my friend did for me that is very very naughty. I wish I looked like this in real life! Lol!



Written 2014.


The newest toy out by the We-Vibe company is called the Thrill. It’s a toy meant to be used in solo play for women, or used on the woman by her partner. It’s like a new-fangled rabbit, with a clitoral stimulator as well as a g-spot stimulator. It’s like a combination of their Tango bullet and their We-Vibe couple’s toy. It looks a little something like this.


We, meaning all the employees at my store, got one for free, in order to test it out and give our feedback to the company about what we thought of it and what could be improved and what we didn’t like, etc.

I tried mine out the other day and all I have to say is…WOW.

I had my boyfriend use it on me, and it was one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. He just rocked it back and forth, while it was inside of me, and it was pretty amazing.

When we first got the toy in the store, I was skeptical. I didn’t see how we were going to sell such an expensive item that didn’t even look like it did much or even really worked all that well.

But after trying it out for myself, I’m much more gung-ho about trying to get women to buy this for use with their partners or just by themselves. It’s definitely a must-have for every woman out there. Unlike a rabbit, the clitoral piece is long enough that with the rocking motion, which moves the g-spot part in and out and up and down, the clitoral piece never leaves the clit area and provides constant stimulation, where as with a rabbit, if you thrust in and out with the shaft of the rabbit, you lose the clitoral stimulation from the “rabbit ears”.

Over all I was VERY pleased with my newest toy and look forward to using it more in the future. Oh! And it’s rechargeable! By a magnetic charge. So it’s completely water-proof! 😉


The Thrill gets the Mandy stamp of approval!

And the main reason I post this is because I’m giving one to a friend as a prize for one of my FaceBook parties because she’s just super awesome and I wanted her to come read this and see just HOW awesome it is! 😉

Publically Indecent

Written in 2013.


We were naughty the other day. Hehe.

He came by my work and we had a little “rendezvous” after we had dinner in the parking lot across the street from my job while I was on break.

We didn’t get too freaky or anything like that, but we got frisky enough and it was majorly HAWT to be doing something so scandalous in such a public place. Granted, it wasn’t like it was a busy parking lot or anything like that. It was at a warehouse where everyone had left for the day already. But still, it was risky to US and that made it feel dangerous and sexy. 😉

How do you guys feel about public sex and have you ever been raunchy enough to do it yourselves? Do you fantasize about it? Is it a goal of your’s? Tell me about your experiences!

Mine made me feel like a sex goddess again, having such an allure over my man that he just had to have me right there, right then, no matter who saw. Rawr!

Connection Erection

Written back in 2013.


For me, sex is about the experience. It doesn’t always have to lead to me getting off or orgasming or cumming or however you want to say it. For me, as long as it’s pleasurable and we’re both enjoying ourselves, it’s all good. I like the connection to him that I feel when we’re making love. I like the intensity of the pleasure he can give me, which feels like one never ending orgasm anyway so I don’t feel a particular need to have a “standard orgasm” with that “one big release”. I’d much rather have the never-ending pleasure that just goes on and on and on until I have to tell him to stop because it’s just too intense for me. That’s what I like. It’s what I CRAVE.

Our sex life has only gotten better and better since he moved back home and we were able to start having sex more than once a year.

I have a list of goals I want to achieve by September 2015, 101 of them, that I started setting out to achieve on January 1 of this year. One of my goals was to have sex once a week in 2013. Well, that’s only 52 times, and we’ve already bypassed the half-way point of that goal within the first 5 months of the 12. It’s nice. And great. And very satisfying.

I look forward to sex now, when before I just dreaded it. Especially when I know he’s going to blow my mind and send me into subspace with his attentiveness to my pleasure. Then I REALLY get excited. Lol. And I know he won’t and can’t do that every time. Sometimes he’s tired or just wants a quickie. And that’s understandable. But the knowledge that he CAN do that to me, and WILL do that to me sometime in the future is always a tantalizing and encouraging enticement to approach sex with a willing and hopeful attitude.

Now, I just need to figure out how to get over my issues with blow-jobs… 😉 Lol. That’s a saga that’s to be continued…