I’m trying to get back into modeling…particularly nude modeling. It seems it’s what I’m best at and I think I look better unclothed than clothed anyway. Plus, I think the naked body is a work of art and should be celebrated, as I might have mentioned before in here. If I have, it bares repeating. If not, well, know you know. Lol.
I’m also trying to publish a book of my poetry. I’m going to have to go the self-publishing route, as not many agents take poetry clients these days, which really sucks, but c’est la vie. *shrugs* I don’t know how much it’s going to cost to print books, but I have a feeling it’s NOT going to be cheap, and having no job because I’m pretty much disabled due to fibromyalgia and bipolar and clinical depression, I’m having to rely on the good will and kindness and generosity of my mother who is helping me out. But I’ve got other expenses too, like medications and doctors visits and therapy appointments, plus I can’t help but order stuff I probably really don’t need but that I really want because buying things for myself makes me feel better emotionally. Blah. So not sure when the book is actually going to happen.
I have a website: mandystone.net
Check it out if you’d like. There’s a link to my portfolio from my modeling on there.
But I need to update it because the last pictures I have are from 2013 and that’s not an accurate representation of what I look like now. I’ve been trying to schedule a shoot with this really talented photographer who is from out of town and is coming into town in the coming weeks, but I don’t want to go alone, and Eric is the only one I trust to be with me during shoots because he’s the only one I feel comfortable modeling around. And Eric is being flippant about helping me out and committing to a date so I can schedule with the photographer. He doesn’t seem to understand that it can’t just be a last minute thing. I can’t just say say to the photographer, “Oh, hey, hope you’re not busy, I can come by this evening!” the day of. *headdesk*
Eric just doesn’t want to ask his dad for an evening off because his dad would be curious why he needs an evening off and Eric doesn’t want his family to know he’s still in contact with me in any fashion, even though he’s more than willing to rush over here to fuck me multiple times a week. Sigh. I’m just his “dirty little secret”…and I don’t like it one damn bit. But that’s a whole other story.
I also have an amateur photographer who wants to do a nude shoot and wouldn’t mind taking pics of me doing naughty things to Eric, if Eric’s willing, and Eric’s face wouldn’t even have to be in the shots, just his perfect penis, which deserves to be photographed and which I would be honored to have nice photos of me worshiping it. 😉
I’m just frustrated because I’m very unhappy with my body as it is right now. I’m at the highest weight I’ve EVER been at and I feel ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. I have fucking STRETCH MARKS for crying out loud! I have NEVER had stretch marks! I nearly had a fucking heart attack when I saw those horrible horrible things on my thighs and about cried when I realized they were on the UNDERSIDE of my tummy too, because my tummy actually HAS an underside because it’s like a gigantic roll. Ugh. I apologize for my venting about my abhorrence of my body, it’s just been building up inside of me since I decided to start trying to model again. I’m afraid the photographers will see me and decide there’s just no way they can make me look good in photos and just cancel the shoot all together. 😦
I’ve also got cellulite on my ass. CELLULITE. WHAT THE FUCK?! Again, I have NEVER EVER dealt with that before in my ENTIRE life! So I started using a cream by the company System JO called the JO Maximizer Shaping Cream that’s supposed to help grow your boobs and tone your butt. I’m hoping it’ll do both for me, to a wonderful degree. I’ll let you know how it works.
I guess I just needed to vent and talk about wanting to nude model and look good while doing it. I just don’t want to make terrible and bad pictures. 😦
But I’ll leave on a good note. Here’s a work of art that my friend did for me that is very very naughty. I wish I looked like this in real life! Lol!