Sex With the Ex

Was a bad idea.

I should have never given into him, but I was horny as hell and also just as desperate, if not more so, to keep him needing me and wanting me and wanting to see me regularly, because I miss him so fiercely that it physically pains me, as well as obviously causing me great emotional distress. And I didn’t want him seeking out other ways, aka other girls through one night stands or dating, to get his “needs” met. Because he is a virile young man and horny as a fucking rabbit.

But while the whole arrangement seemed “okay”, it had me emotionally topsy-turvy and on a rollercoaster and it all spun out of control, coming off the rails (both of us), so to speak.

So I don’t think we’ll be speaking to each other, much less spending any time (especially not “quality” time) together. So there probably won’t be much mention of actual sex intercourse had by me in here, unless it’s in the past tense. Just wanted to give y’all a heads up.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 😥



Um….So, okay, things have maybe changed? I honestly don’t know what’s going on with my “relationship status” or with the man I love right now. I’m just confused and…lost as fuck…

So I guess I possibly WILL be continuing to write about sexual exploits with him.

*falls over from dizziness from head spinning from all this emotional craziness*




P.S.- I’m going to go T.M.I. here and just add in that I’m wearing a buttplug as I’m writing the edit of this post, in prep for something Eric owes me, which I will mention in my next blog post, lol. Now that you have that lovely mental image in your head, I will end my deviousness, and go back to my devilish little doings. 😉

50th Post! Funny Pics to Celebrate!

This is my 50th post on this blog! Yah! To celebrate, I’ve decided to post some pictures from back when I worked at the sex store from during one of our training sessions, which consisted of representatives from various companies coming to our store and educating us on their products and what they had coming out and in the works…and also doing demos of said products…sometimes on us… Lol! And I’m not a shy one, I always volunteer where others won’t. Haha.

First up, I believe this was the Sportsheets Doggie Style Strap. I THINK it was the vibrating one, and she had it turned on. LOL. So that was a VERY interesting experience, to say the least. Haha!




This is the Sportsheets Expandable Spreader Bar. I really wish I could remember this reps name, because she was SOOOOOOO awesome! She was educational, as well as being interactive and exciting and just funny as all get out and FUN. ❤ If you ever read this, Sportsheets rep, I hope you don’t mind me posting these photos, and just know that you totally made my life with this day of training. It was some of the most fun I’ve ever had. ❤



Well, hope everyone enjoyed those pics of my exciting training session! 😉 My next post will be a very risque post, so look out for that one! ❤

Menage Without Having a Third Party

So given that I just wrote about anal sex, I thought I would talk about MY experiences with it. Lol. This is actually a product review, by the way.

The product I’m going to be reviewing is the Sportsheets Menage a Trois Double Penetration Harness and Dildo Set.


Now, my ex-fiance is VERY well-endowed, as I might have mentioned before, and there was NO way we were going to use this product as pictured on the box. So we improvised and turned it around, so that the dildo would be the thing penetrating my anus and his beautiful penis would be the thing entering my woman sheath.

Now, that dildo that comes with it is a little big to start off with, so I had bought a set of butt plugs that gradually increased in size to open the anal cavity up so that a penis could enter it without (much) pain. And the beginner plug from that set was a bit smaller than the dildo from the one pictured above, so we started out playing around with that one and getting me used to it. Once we did that, we moved on to the harness. Except, well, that dildo was STILL too big… So we took the dildo out of the Sportsheets New Comers Strap-On & Silicone Dildo Set for Pegging that I had gotten for free from a training session, and used THAT. Lol. And THAT worked PERFECTLY.

My ex-fiance said that harness kinda bothered him in that he just didn’t like the feel of it on him, I guess, and we also didn’t put the cockring pictured above around his balls because there was just NO WAY that was happening without putting him in some MAJOR pain. So it only went around the base of his penis.

I, on the other hand, LOVE THIS PRODUCT. OMG, IT’S AMAZING. There is NOTHING like being stimulated vaginally, clitorally, and anally. It’s like heaven on earth. It’s over powering and consumes you with a pleasure beyond imagination. It’s intense. INTENSE!

We didn’t use it much in later years because he just didn’t seem interested and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable if he didn’t want to use it, so I just never brought it up or asked about it or asked to use it. Sigh.

But seriously, this is an AMAZING product. I can’t tell you just how many of these I sold to couples once I had one myself. I would sell us out of stock and beg to get more in. It’s just that great. Definitely gets the Mandy stamp of approval!

P.S.- Due to certain events that occurred recently between Eric and I, I will be getting a nice long session of him using this on me in the near future, so this girl is TOTALLY STOKED AND EXCITED!!! *squee*

No Homo

Just a little blurb before we get to the real meat of the entry that I didn’t want to include in my last post because I didn’t want to take away from the seriousness of it, but my anniversary with WordPress was on August 1st! Happy Anniversary to meeeeee!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤



Here’s my opinion on anal:


There, I said it. Anal=not gay. The end. Period.

I truly believe that anal is just another way for men and women to enjoy each other. Or hell, if you ARE gay, then for women to enjoy women or men to enjoy men. It’s just about pleasure, it’s not about your sexual preference or even your romantic preference.

It’s a now known fact that prostate stimulation, through anal penetration, is actually BENEFICIAL to men’s health. It keeps them from getting prostrate problems and allows them to be healthier than they would be if they weren’t having their prostrate stimulated.

And the prostate orgasm is supposed to be the BEST orgasm a man can have.

So to all you guys out there, DON’T BE AFRAID TO TRY ANAL. Let her peg you. Experiment. See what it’s like. See if you enjoy it. If you do, more power to you! If you don’t, then at least you can say you tried it out just to know.

But please, start SMALL then work your way up to BIG. Don’t just go BIG. This is for women too. Going BIG immediately, like with a PENIS, is BAD. You can tear or rip your hole. That’s not good. And of course if you do something like go big at first, it WILL HURT. And that’s not the purpose of anal AT ALL. It’s to feel PLEASURE. So if it HURTS, you’re doing something wrong.

You can start with fingers. One, then two, then three. If you’re squimish about putting your fingers in someone’s rectum, use a condom or a finger condom. Or use butt plugs. Start out slim and small, then work your way up.

I had to do this with my vagina. In order to have sex, I had to dilate myself with, well, dilators that I bought from a medical website because of all the psychological issues I was having that prevented me from being able to have sex without the help of anything like toys or lube.

The butt is much like a vagina of a person like me, where you can’t just go for the penis, you have to work your way up to the penis.

I just wanted to get my opinion on anal sex out there for all to know, because I really feel it’s a total shame when people get uppity about it and claim it makes you a “fag” or any of those other derogatory and WRONG words that imply you’re “homosexual”.

You know what I say to those people?


And that’s that. 😉

Emmanuel Nine


I feel that being that this blog is titled “Sex and the HOLY CITY”, I should at least acknowledge the horrible event that occurred in my city and made us a staple on the evening news now-a-days.

It was heart-breakingly tragic. So tragic. And so unnecessary. Racism shouldn’t exist today. We should have overcome that shit a very long time ago. And it’s absolutely infuriating that we haven’t.

My dad is a hardcore racist, except he likes certain African-American people he knows. So he picks and chooses his racism, which is stupid. His whole way of thinking is stupid. I admit, I used to crack racist jokes with my dad and my best friend when I was younger and sometimes, even in recent years, just to relive the past, but it’s sad that that’s how I remember my past: racism.

When will we as a culture evolve to look beyond the color of people’s skin but into the content of their characters? When will people stop living up to the stereotypes placed upon them and furthering the racial war that seems to still be waging in this country?

It’s time. It’s time to evolve. Time to grow. Time to STOP. Time to LOVE. Time to ACCEPT.

*drops mic*


Catch Up Time!

So let me get you all caught up on what’s been happening in the life of me…

My Pure Romance business basically went under because I couldn’t secure any in-person parties, which are the meat of a Pure Romance business, so it was basically costing me money to keep it going, so I let it go. C’est la vie. Now I get to use my “samples” and “testers” for myself! 😉 Haha.

Eric and I are not “technically” together anymore, though we still see each other and have sexual relations with each other and he still tells me he loves me, but only when provoked. I don’t know what’s going to happen regarding us, but I’m hoping with all my heart and soul that we can patch things back up and end up back together, even if our families hate the other person in the relationship now. Sigh.


I’ve also recently become EXTREMELY sexually stimulated practically all the freaking time and find myself having to masturbate a lot to relieve some of the sexual tension that builds up within me. Don’t ask me what brought it on, because I have absolutely no freaking clue, though I’m not really complaining. 😉 Was that TMI? Oops, my bad. Lol.


I’ve also regained my ability to “squirt”! Yah! I thought I had lost it forever! *sigh of relief* Hehe. That was probably TMI too. Haha.


I plan on reviewing some Pure Romance products that I have, as well as some products from the store I used to work at that I just haven’t gotten around to talking about yet being that I’ve been so absent, and also some erotic books that I’ve been reading. Keep an eye out for those. 😉

I’ll try to update more often from now. Super pinkie swear! ❤

Lifting the Cloud of Despair

Written 2014.


Sometimes, I question why I want to become a therapist/psychologist at all. There are just days where listening to the fucked-up problems of the people around me is just too much for me, too overwhelming, too emotionally taxing. It drains me and leaves me feeling empty and hallow. It strains me and takes too much out of me some days, and I’m not sure if that’s because we’re messing with my meds again or that I just am not cut out for this job. But then I remember my natural talent and gift for this, how easily it comes to me to analyze people emotionally. And how I want to help people, help them overcome their fucked-up lives and start newer, better ones, healthier ones. I want to help make people happy and more satisfied with their lives. I also think I need to work on investing my time and energy into building relationships with people, be that friends or clients or future clients or coworkers or sponsors or bosses or family members or even my own fiance. I need to start being more involved with people instead of distancing myself because I get overwhelmed trying to deal with all of their stuff on top of the stuff I go through internally myself. I need to be more invested in others when I’m with them then I am with myself. I know, I know, I have to watch out for myself and take care of myself and protect and guard myself from potentially dangerous situations, but I also think I’m letting it get a little out of hand in just being way too invested in myself all the time without regards to others. I’m going to be encountering some pretty traumatizing stuff in that therapy room when I become a therapist, particularly a sex therapist, and I’ve got to learn, to steal a like from Frozen (which EVERYONE seems to be talking about now-a-days), to “LETTTT ITTTTTTTT GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” when I’m not in the room and to not carry it home with me and let it weigh me down too much and burden me to the point of having a mental breakdown. :-p And can you believe I still have not seen Frozen yet? 😉

Say Cheese!

I’m trying to get back into modeling…particularly nude modeling. It seems it’s what I’m best at and I think I look better unclothed than clothed anyway. Plus, I think the naked body is a work of art and should be celebrated, as I might have mentioned before in here. If I have, it bares repeating. If not, well, know you know. Lol.

I’m also trying to publish a book of my poetry. I’m going to have to go the self-publishing route, as not many agents take poetry clients these days, which really sucks, but c’est la vie. *shrugs* I don’t know how much it’s going to cost to print books, but I have a feeling it’s NOT going to be cheap, and having no job because I’m pretty much disabled due to fibromyalgia and bipolar and clinical depression, I’m having to rely on the good will and kindness and generosity of my mother who is helping me out. But I’ve got other expenses too, like medications and doctors visits and therapy appointments, plus I can’t help but order stuff I probably really don’t need but that I really want because buying things for myself makes me feel better emotionally. Blah. So not sure when the book is actually going to happen.

I have a website:

Check it out if you’d like. There’s a link to my portfolio from my modeling on there.

But I need to update it because the last pictures I have are from 2013 and that’s not an accurate representation of what I look like now. I’ve been trying to schedule a shoot with this really talented photographer who is from out of town and is coming into town in the coming weeks, but I don’t want to go alone, and Eric is the only one I trust to be with me during shoots because he’s the only one I feel comfortable modeling around. And Eric is being flippant about helping me out and committing to a date so I can schedule with the photographer. He doesn’t seem to understand that it can’t just be a last minute thing. I can’t just say say to the photographer, “Oh, hey, hope you’re not busy, I can come by this evening!” the day of. *headdesk*

Eric just doesn’t want to ask his dad for an evening off because his dad would be curious why he needs an evening off and Eric doesn’t want his family to know he’s still in contact with me in any fashion, even though he’s more than willing to rush over here to fuck me multiple times a week. Sigh. I’m just his “dirty little secret”…and I don’t like it one damn bit. But that’s a whole other story.

I also have an amateur photographer who wants to do a nude shoot and wouldn’t mind taking pics of me doing naughty things to Eric, if Eric’s willing, and Eric’s face wouldn’t even have to be in the shots, just his perfect penis, which deserves to be photographed and which I would be honored to have nice photos of me worshiping it. 😉

I’m just frustrated because I’m very unhappy with my body as it is right now. I’m at the highest weight I’ve EVER been at and I feel ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. I have fucking STRETCH MARKS for crying out loud! I have NEVER had stretch marks! I nearly had a fucking heart attack when I saw those horrible horrible things on my thighs and about cried when I realized they were on the UNDERSIDE of my tummy too, because my tummy actually HAS an underside because it’s like a gigantic roll. Ugh. I apologize for my venting about my abhorrence of my body, it’s just been building up inside of me since I decided to start trying to model again. I’m afraid the photographers will see me and decide there’s just no way they can make me look good in photos and just cancel the shoot all together. 😦

I’ve also got cellulite on my ass. CELLULITE. WHAT THE FUCK?! Again, I have NEVER EVER dealt with that before in my ENTIRE life! So I started using a cream by the company System JO called the JO Maximizer Shaping Cream that’s supposed to help grow your boobs and tone your butt. I’m hoping it’ll do both for me, to a wonderful degree. I’ll let you know how it works.

I guess I just needed to vent and talk about wanting to nude model and look good while doing it. I just don’t want to make terrible and bad pictures. 😦

But I’ll leave on a good note. Here’s a work of art that my friend did for me that is very very naughty. I wish I looked like this in real life! Lol!



Written 2014.


The newest toy out by the We-Vibe company is called the Thrill. It’s a toy meant to be used in solo play for women, or used on the woman by her partner. It’s like a new-fangled rabbit, with a clitoral stimulator as well as a g-spot stimulator. It’s like a combination of their Tango bullet and their We-Vibe couple’s toy. It looks a little something like this.


We, meaning all the employees at my store, got one for free, in order to test it out and give our feedback to the company about what we thought of it and what could be improved and what we didn’t like, etc.

I tried mine out the other day and all I have to say is…WOW.

I had my boyfriend use it on me, and it was one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. He just rocked it back and forth, while it was inside of me, and it was pretty amazing.

When we first got the toy in the store, I was skeptical. I didn’t see how we were going to sell such an expensive item that didn’t even look like it did much or even really worked all that well.

But after trying it out for myself, I’m much more gung-ho about trying to get women to buy this for use with their partners or just by themselves. It’s definitely a must-have for every woman out there. Unlike a rabbit, the clitoral piece is long enough that with the rocking motion, which moves the g-spot part in and out and up and down, the clitoral piece never leaves the clit area and provides constant stimulation, where as with a rabbit, if you thrust in and out with the shaft of the rabbit, you lose the clitoral stimulation from the “rabbit ears”.

Over all I was VERY pleased with my newest toy and look forward to using it more in the future. Oh! And it’s rechargeable! By a magnetic charge. So it’s completely water-proof! 😉


The Thrill gets the Mandy stamp of approval!

And the main reason I post this is because I’m giving one to a friend as a prize for one of my FaceBook parties because she’s just super awesome and I wanted her to come read this and see just HOW awesome it is! 😉

Publically Indecent

Written in 2013.


We were naughty the other day. Hehe.

He came by my work and we had a little “rendezvous” after we had dinner in the parking lot across the street from my job while I was on break.

We didn’t get too freaky or anything like that, but we got frisky enough and it was majorly HAWT to be doing something so scandalous in such a public place. Granted, it wasn’t like it was a busy parking lot or anything like that. It was at a warehouse where everyone had left for the day already. But still, it was risky to US and that made it feel dangerous and sexy. 😉

How do you guys feel about public sex and have you ever been raunchy enough to do it yourselves? Do you fantasize about it? Is it a goal of your’s? Tell me about your experiences!

Mine made me feel like a sex goddess again, having such an allure over my man that he just had to have me right there, right then, no matter who saw. Rawr!