comment response

(Ir)Respons(ible)

What are your thoughts on the article? it doesn’t seem to recommend doing it, with all the emotional turmoil that becomes involved.

Good question, Mary.

Here are some excerpts from the article that I think apply to me personally:
  • “Having sex with an ex could put people in a position of technically being broken up, but still emotionally connected…”
  • “Those who stay in contact following a breakup continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on…”

It also says that college kids describe “ex sex” as a “difficult or negative event” in their lives.

All that being said, here’s where I stand:

I love him. Plain and simple. I love him with all of my heart. All of my soul. All of my entire being. Yes, he is a fucking douche bag. But he is MY fucking douche bag. I want to be with him. I just don’t want to hurt because of it. I want him to be a better person than he was and still is now, just like I’m trying to be a better person than I used to be. I like to think I’m doing a good job of that. He on the other hand? Sometimes good, sometimes not so good… Sigh.

So yes, we are still technically broken up but emotionally connected. We still act like a couple when we’re together. I still feel like he’s my fiance when we’re together, like he’s my partner, my companion. But then he gets up and leaves as speedily as he can right after we finish our sexual activities and I’m left in the wake of devastation. I feel unimportant to him. Like I don’t matter. But that’s how I felt pretty much our entire relationship too. I don’t know why it hurts so much more NOW than it did THEN, when we were ACTUALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP. :-p I guess it’s because when we were in the relationship, I at least knew he was still mine, even if I wasn’t that important. He was still with me. But now? Now I’m not important and he’s not with me. So it’s like double the hurt.

But I’m so desperate to keep him close to me. Even if sex with him ends up being terrible for my emotional state of being, if it keeps him from seeing other girls or being with other girls, then it’s worth it to me. I’m used to being emotionally desolate anyway. It comes from having an emotionally abusive father your entire life. Even until this very day. *shrugs*

And yes, I DO feel the pain of the “break up” more intensely because we’re still having sex and I’m not moving on because of it, but it’s also because I DON’T WANT to move on. And I also feel things more intensely anyway, so that’s just par for the course for me, being an empath and bipolar and emotionally sensitive and all. :-p It doesn’t really FEEL like a “break up”, to be honest. It feels more like a “break”, but he’s just calling it a “break up” because he bad-mouthed me so badly to his friends and family that if they knew he was still seeing me and trying to kinda-sorta patch things up with me, they would probably be a little confused and maybe a bit pissed (his family especially). He would have to eat crow if we technically “got back together”. So I think that’s why he’s putting it off for as long as he can. Because he’s scared of the consequences of his actions. Just like always. Because that’s just how he is.

So folks, there you have it. The “whole” story, as best I can tell it right this moment in response to Mary’s question and the article in question. Hope that sheds some light on some things and if you think I’m being a total dumbass when it comes to Eric, you are probably right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to do what I’m going to do. *shrugs* The heart wants what the hearts wants, and the heart always gets what it wants when it comes to me. I don’t use rationale much. :-p

Mandy out!