love

Oral Fixation

I love this man’s penis. OMG.

I gave Eric such an amazing blowjob that he said was so intense he didn’t think he would be able to fuck me afterwards because he just couldn’t get hard enough. That’s saying something. He is ALWAYS hard around me. He practically wants to fuck me constantly. Or at least my mouth. Haha. Oral is his favorite thing EVER. And boy, did I ever deliver! πŸ˜‰

I didn’t just do the routine stuff I usually do when I give him oral. And that’s what I usually do, I treat it like a routine, not something fun and arousing and intimate and sexy. Except I’ve been getting more and more into it recently. And this time, I REALLY got into it.

I teased and bit and dragged my teeth lightly across flesh and suctioned and did all sorts of techniques that I haven’t done in forever and that I remembered he really enjoyed. I just wanted to please him, and I was having fun myself doing that. He likes it when I look at him while I suck his cock, so I gave him sexy eyes and doe eyes while pleasuring him. He was in HEAVEN. Haha.

I have a theory that because I was trained as a classic vocalist and a choral singer my whole life, that that might be why I’m so good at giving head. We were taught to open our mouths and throats wide and to use our tongues more than our lips to sing words. πŸ˜‰

I felt like a sex goddess, and he even said that whoever had said that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach obviously had never gotten a blowjob and that the REAL way to a man’s heart was through his penis. LOL! He’s so silly. Haha.

He seems to like oral more than sex. He recently complained that we had been having sex a lot lately and he would rather me give him oral than for us to have sex. Lol.

And while we’re on the subject of oral, we also recently were able to get his ENTIRE MASSIVE PENIS into my throat. Yes, it did hurt. Like a bitch. My throat was still sore and hurting for quite a while afterwards (as in days), but at least we now know that it’s possible for me to do and I just have to train my throat to open wider to accept that beautifully gigantic cock all the way in. πŸ˜‰

And BECAUSE I did that, THAT is why he owes me a session with the Menage a Trois harness. πŸ˜‰

As Eric likes to say, I AM THE COCK QUEEN!!!!! ❀ ❀ ❀

(Ir)Respons(ible)

What are your thoughts on the article? it doesn’t seem to recommend doing it, with all the emotional turmoil that becomes involved.

Good question, Mary.

Here are some excerpts from the article that I think apply to me personally:
  • “Having sex with an ex could put people in a position of technically being broken up, but still emotionally connected…”
  • “Those who stay in contact following a breakup continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on…”

It also says that college kids describe “ex sex” as a “difficult or negative event” in their lives.

All that being said, here’s where I stand:

I love him. Plain and simple. I love him with all of my heart. All of my soul. All of my entire being. Yes, he is a fucking douche bag. But he is MY fucking douche bag. I want to be with him. I just don’t want to hurt because of it. I want him to be a better person than he was and still is now, just like I’m trying to be a better person than I used to be. I like to think I’m doing a good job of that. He on the other hand? Sometimes good, sometimes not so good… Sigh.

So yes, we are still technically broken up but emotionally connected. We still act like a couple when we’re together. I still feel like he’s my fiance when we’re together, like he’s my partner, my companion. But then he gets up and leaves as speedily as he can right after we finish our sexual activities and I’m left in the wake of devastation. I feel unimportant to him. Like I don’t matter. But that’s how I felt pretty much our entire relationship too. I don’t know why it hurts so much more NOW than it did THEN, when we were ACTUALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP. :-p I guess it’s because when we were in the relationship, I at least knew he was still mine, even if I wasn’t that important. He was still with me. But now? Now I’m not important and he’s not with me. So it’s like double the hurt.

But I’m so desperate to keep him close to me. Even if sex with him ends up being terrible for my emotional state of being, if it keeps him from seeing other girls or being with other girls, then it’s worth it to me. I’m used to being emotionally desolate anyway. It comes from having an emotionally abusive father your entire life. Even until this very day. *shrugs*

And yes, I DO feel the pain of the “break up” more intensely because we’re still having sex and I’m not moving on because of it, but it’s also because I DON’T WANT to move on. And I also feel things more intensely anyway, so that’s just par for the course for me, being an empath and bipolar and emotionally sensitive and all. :-p It doesn’t really FEEL like a “break up”, to be honest. It feels more like a “break”, but he’s just calling it a “break up” because he bad-mouthed me so badly to his friends and family that if they knew he was still seeing me and trying to kinda-sorta patch things up with me, they would probably be a little confused and maybe a bit pissed (his family especially). He would have to eat crow if we technically “got back together”. So I think that’s why he’s putting it off for as long as he can. Because he’s scared of the consequences of his actions. Just like always. Because that’s just how he is.

So folks, there you have it. The “whole” story, as best I can tell it right this moment in response to Mary’s question and the article in question. Hope that sheds some light on some things and if you think I’m being a total dumbass when it comes to Eric, you are probably right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to do what I’m going to do. *shrugs* The heart wants what the hearts wants, and the heart always gets what it wants when it comes to me. I don’t use rationale much. :-p

Mandy out!

Sex With the Ex

Was a bad idea.

I should have never given into him, but I was horny as hell and also just as desperate, if not more so, to keep him needing me and wanting me and wanting to see me regularly, because I miss him so fiercely that it physically pains me, as well as obviously causing me great emotional distress. And I didn’t want him seeking out other ways, aka other girls through one night stands or dating, to get his “needs” met. Because he is a virile young man and horny as a fucking rabbit.

But while the whole arrangement seemed “okay”, it had me emotionally topsy-turvy and on a rollercoaster and it all spun out of control, coming off the rails (both of us), so to speak.

So I don’t think we’ll be speaking to each other, much less spending any time (especially not “quality” time) together. So there probably won’t be much mention of actual sex intercourse had by me in here, unless it’s in the past tense. Just wanted to give y’all a heads up.

πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’” πŸ˜₯

 

*EDIT*

Um….So, okay, things have maybe changed? I honestly don’t know what’s going on with my “relationship status” or with the man I love right now. I’m just confused and…lost as fuck…

So I guess I possibly WILL be continuing to write about sexual exploits with him.

*falls over from dizziness from head spinning from all this emotional craziness*

 

 

 

P.S.- I’m going to go T.M.I. here and just add in that I’m wearing a buttplug as I’m writing the edit of this post, in prep for something Eric owes me, which I will mention in my next blog post, lol. Now that you have that lovely mental image in your head, I will end my deviousness, and go back to my devilish little doings. πŸ˜‰

Menage Without Having a Third Party

So given that I just wrote about anal sex, I thought I would talk about MY experiences with it. Lol. This is actually a product review, by the way.

The product I’m going to be reviewing is the Sportsheets Menage a Trois Double Penetration Harness and Dildo Set.

menageatrois

Now, my ex-fiance is VERY well-endowed, as I might have mentioned before, and there was NO way we were going to use this product as pictured on the box. So we improvised and turned it around, so that the dildo would be the thing penetrating my anus and his beautiful penis would be the thing entering my woman sheath.

Now, that dildo that comes with it is a little big to start off with, so I had bought a set of butt plugs that gradually increased in size to open the anal cavity up so that a penis could enter it without (much) pain. And the beginner plug from that set was a bit smaller than the dildo from the one pictured above, so we started out playing around with that one and getting me used to it. Once we did that, we moved on to the harness. Except, well, that dildo was STILL too big… So we took the dildo out of the Sportsheets New Comers Strap-On & Silicone Dildo Set for Pegging that I had gotten for free from a training session, and used THAT. Lol. And THAT worked PERFECTLY.

My ex-fiance said that harness kinda bothered him in that he just didn’t like the feel of it on him, I guess, and we also didn’t put the cockring pictured above around his balls because there was just NO WAY that was happening without putting him in some MAJOR pain. So it only went around the base of his penis.

I, on the other hand, LOVE THIS PRODUCT. OMG, IT’S AMAZING. There is NOTHING like being stimulated vaginally, clitorally, and anally. It’s like heaven on earth. It’s over powering and consumes you with a pleasure beyond imagination. It’s intense. INTENSE!

We didn’t use it much in later years because he just didn’t seem interested and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable if he didn’t want to use it, so I just never brought it up or asked about it or asked to use it. Sigh.

But seriously, this is an AMAZING product. I can’t tell you just how many of these I sold to couples once I had one myself. I would sell us out of stock and beg to get more in. It’s just that great. Definitely gets the Mandy stamp of approval!

P.S.- Due to certain events that occurred recently between Eric and I, I will be getting a nice long session of him using this on me in the near future, so this girl is TOTALLY STOKED AND EXCITED!!! *squee*

Emmanuel Nine

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I feel that being that this blog is titled “Sex and the HOLY CITY”, I should at least acknowledge the horrible event that occurred in my city and made us a staple on the evening news now-a-days.

It was heart-breakingly tragic. So tragic. And so unnecessary. Racism shouldn’t exist today. We should have overcome that shit a very long time ago. And it’s absolutely infuriating that we haven’t.

My dad is a hardcore racist, except he likes certain African-American people he knows. So he picks and chooses his racism, which is stupid. His whole way of thinking is stupid. I admit, I used to crack racist jokes with my dad and my best friend when I was younger and sometimes, even in recent years, just to relive the past, but it’s sad that that’s how I remember my past: racism.

When will we as a culture evolve to look beyond the color of people’s skin but into the content of their characters? When will people stop living up to the stereotypes placed upon them and furthering the racial war that seems to still be waging in this country?

It’s time. It’s time to evolve. Time to grow. Time to STOP. Time to LOVE. Time to ACCEPT.

*drops mic*

#CharlestonStrong

Catch Up Time!

So let me get you all caught up on what’s been happening in the life of me…

My Pure Romance business basically went under because I couldn’t secure any in-person parties, which are the meat of a Pure Romance business, so it was basically costing me money to keep it going, so I let it go. C’est la vie. Now I get to use my “samples” and “testers” for myself! πŸ˜‰ Haha.

Eric and I are not “technically” together anymore, though we still see each other and have sexual relations with each other and he still tells me he loves me, but only when provoked. I don’t know what’s going to happen regarding us, but I’m hoping with all my heart and soul that we can patch things back up and end up back together, even if our families hate the other person in the relationship now. Sigh.

cupidandpsyche

I’ve also recently become EXTREMELY sexually stimulated practically all the freaking time and find myself having to masturbate a lot to relieve some of the sexual tension that builds up within me. Don’t ask me what brought it on, because I have absolutely no freaking clue, though I’m not really complaining. πŸ˜‰ Was that TMI? Oops, my bad. Lol.

orgasm2

I’ve also regained my ability to “squirt”! Yah! I thought I had lost it forever! *sigh of relief* Hehe. That was probably TMI too. Haha.

coverup

I plan on reviewing some Pure Romance products that I have, as well as some products from the store I used to work at that I just haven’t gotten around to talking about yet being that I’ve been so absent, and also some erotic books that I’ve been reading. Keep an eye out for those. πŸ˜‰

I’ll try to update more often from now. Super pinkie swear! ❀

Rolling With the Punches

Fighting/arguing with my boyfriend always kills any sexual feelings I may be having at that moment or for the entire day. It suffer from low self-esteem as it is, and when we get into disagreements I’m always painfully and instantaneously swamped by memories of being a child/adolescent and being made to feel like I was a failure and was never good enough.

It also doesn’t help that my boyfriend tends to do the “classic man thing” and shut down and shut me out when he gets upset and any attempts I make to reach out are shot down or ignored completely

But as Wendy Strgar so precisely stated it in her book that I recently reviewed, love is about holding what is lovable about a person in one hand and what is not so lovable about them in the other hand and finding a balance where we cultivate reasons to stay and constantly remember to remember all the reasons we love that person, especially during the darkest hours or a relationship (or “seasons” as she calls them).

I also pointed out a quote from the book about seeing things are “they are” rather than as “we are”, meaning we should take a step back from whatever situation we’re in and take an objective perspective (ha, that rhymed!) and to really look at it from all sides. I’m not the only one hurting in the situation and it helps to remember that.

We also sometimes have to put our lover’s needs above our own, so even if my first attempt to reach out falls on deaf ears, maybe my second or third or hell, even the fourth won’t. And love is about showing up for the other person when they need you, even if they don’t show up for you all the time, because love is not about keeping score, but about being the best person you can be to that person because of the love you feel for that person.

I’m having to relearn all these lessons, as even though my boyfriend and I have been together for over 9 years, it’s like we’re in a whole new relationship because he was gone for so long and our relationship wasn’t really a good or healthy one before he left anyways.

He’s been home for a little under a year now, and for the first time in our lives our relationship is something it’s never been: stable and healthy.

We’ve both grown up a lot and are learning to navigate this relationship as adults instead of the children we were in the beginning, and even middle, of our relationship. So it’s like everything is brand new again.

But he’s worth all the ups and downs and this relationship is worth fighting for. No one ever promised us love would be easy, just that it would be worth it. And he is definitely worth it. WE are definitely worth it.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

And that make-up sex is damn good. Lol! πŸ˜‰

 

******Don’t forget the contest going on! All the information is on the blog or you can click here to read the post!*****